John thought he might smooth things over with a little Chipotle and some good old-fashioned ass-kissing. I nervously devoured my burrito, nodding on cue and making appropriate responses in feigned acquiescence. After a quick kiss goodbye on University Avenue, I made what I now think of as the best move of my life. The fight-or-flight anxiety that had flavored life with John was revved to jittery new proportions, and this time, I knew that my choice would be B: flight.
A friend’s husband met me at the house to serve as lookout as I picked up my puppy and some clothes. Seriously—I had someone standing guard in case John decided to make an unexpected appearance during my getaway. I was scared, as they say, shitless (why do they say that?). With Tucker on his leash and suitcase in hand, I found a scrap of paper on which to declare my intentions: “I’m gone. Not coming back.” That was the gist of it.
What drives someone to the seemingly heartless “Dear John”* letter? My marriage had crossed a line that I simply couldn’t reconcile, and I barely recognized the fragile woman I had become. A recurring nightmare haunted me nightly, and I woke each morning sick with the realization that it was true: I was trapped in the house with John.
Without hesitation, I left the letter on the kitchen counter, hugged The Lookout goodbye, and drove toward I-74 with Tucker sitting shotgun. I had no real plan but to drive all day, home to Minnesota, to people who loved me. Lease, job, and bills be damned. I tuned the radio to a country station. It seemed appropriate.
So began August 22, 2006.
*Pseudonym, as in “Dear John”
Wow- I’m sure it took a lot of courage to do that. I bet your heart was racing. But I’m sure it was also exhilarating.
Melissa´s last blog ..Week in the Life- Tuesday
Something similar happened to me. I had 6 trucks, 17 people from work caravan on a Saturday to move me and my daughter out of a four bedroom house. We did it in 2 1/2 hours before he showed up. It was scary, but after everything I had been through with my almost 13yr old daughter the last 5 years, he wasn’t getting any more than he deserved.
Good for you! I’m glad you found your happy.
Angelia Sims´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- A blast from the past
Oh girl. Congratulations. Good for you. Thank goodness you were ready to leave.
I’ve been there. It is the antithesis of fun. The exact opposite of a good time.
So proud of you.
Holyoke Home´s last blog ..Asking For Help When You Need It
Happy SITS day.
You are a brave woman. I am glad you and Tucker were able to get out.
LisaDay
Last post – Why Are We Surprised
LisaDay´s last blog ..Tuesday Thoughts
You were brave to get out. I didn’t actually marry my “John,” but we were engaged and it was still hard to leave.
And now I’m completely hooked.
Must bookmark before I end up trading a day at the office for a day reading your story (tempting as that may be …).
CCW @ my half-glassed life´s last blog ..Thank You
I remember how hard it was to file for divorce. And I love how happy you are now. This is a great story (or blogoir)!
Grace´s last blog ..Launching My “List”
Wow…it must’ve been so hard as I read part of your story. I will def dig around here to see how it unfolds – although just seeing your most recent post, it appears you came through quite well! Visiting via SITS – congrats on your day. Life never goes like you plan.
Whatever inside of you helped you to make the decision to get out was the best thing that could ever happen. Having been the lookout for 2 women and knowing of many others who have had to flight because they were scared shitless (I think the expression likely comes from shitting your pants so much that you are out of it?). Good for you. Stay strong and enjoy your lovely marriage.
Congratulations on your SITS day!
Licia´s last blog ..summer camp
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I was coming from WOW to just say hi, then read a few of your posts. I have no idea what to say other then, oh my god.
Miss Ardeth Blood´s last blog ..What Would Carrie Do… part 10
Thanks for stopping by. I’m intrigued by your blog title. I’ll head over to check it out!
The beginning of this story has drawn me in. Now I’ll have to read more.
I’m not a big fan of divorce, especially having been divorced twice. It would be fascinating to have a blog like yours with a parallel account from the other side. There are two sides to this story.
Lee
May 17th FIFTEEN FANTASY ISLAND FAVORITES
Arlee Bird´s last blog ..Tossed About On Tossing It Out
That would be really interesting. I can’t believe someone hasn’t written a two-sided divorce blog (or book!) yet. A great idea for someone who’d be willing to collaborate w/ their ex!
I can’t remember how it is I came upon your blog. SITS mayhaps? I am intrigued. Fabulous entry. I shall be back.
MOMSICLE VIBE´s last blog ..Mz. Independent
Wow, stopping by from WOW on your special BON Day! This story has me hooked on YOUR blog…thanks for sharing such a personal story!
Shannon King´s last blog ..A Scary Story
I’m visiting from WoW and all I can say is…wow. This sounds like an amazing story, and you are such a talented writer! I can’t wait to read more!
Karen´s last blog ..Karen’s Blog of the Week: ReneW Your Space!
Thanks, Karen! It’s great to have all of this WOW support. What fun!
The first steps away are the hardest.
Jenny Matlock´s last blog ..My Grandma Always Said… (and winner)
I found you on WOW. Congratulations on being the BON! I’m already hooked on reading your blog. I love how it’s your blogoir! I’ll certainly be back!!!
Thank you for making the time to stop by and comment! I will return the favor when I catch up from my BON day!
wow! glad you left! I have been divorced first time in my 20′s and the (scared shi##less) is fresh in the back of my mine
twincerely,Olga´s last blog ..AloHa FriDaY!!!
I guess we have a few things in common! Thanks for visiting. I’ll come check out your blog, too!
Wow – so glad you did what you needed to do!
So nice to meet you – @iamkeonte tweeted she found u at the UBP10
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)´s last blog ..The Ultimate Blog Party 2010 AFTER-PARTY!
Thanks for visiting! I loved being involved in the UBP. Thank you for all of your hard work!
If this happened around August 22, 2006 that is about the same time that my husband left me! He did something similar – came home packed his bags and said good-bye! The difference was that we had a 9 month old son and he was involved with a 16 yr old girl.
Ugh. That must have been so hard. I sincerely hope that the last three and a half years have been good to you. Life sure is hard sometimes, but good often follows the bad, and I hope that’s been true for you!
Yup, I love you! Way to go girl! Recognize when you need to get out! A fellow MN blogger, welcome home!
MommyDrinksBecauseYouCry´s last blog ..2010 Ultimate Blog Party!
I’m longing to hear more!
You did what you had, to find yourself again. I have a friend who is dying in her marriage and I wish I could rescue her. I cry for her. I pray for her…..but sadly she thinks it’s not too bad….yet.
I’m glad you can now share your journey.
JamericanSpice´s last blog ..Protect Your Baby From SIDS – Halo Innovations
Glad you are enjoying the story. I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It’s sometimes so hard to realize how bad things are (or how much better they could be).
Wow! you are so brave!
jayme´s last blog ..Monday Minute with DDoR!
Yeah, I’m not going to be all like “oh gee sorry” Because it sounds like you did something great, for you & from what I gather, as this post was awhile ago..
Your doing a-ok & writing a sweet ass blog & being fabulous, so.. Hooray, for all that!! I can’t wait to read more, I love your style with words!
claire´s last blog ..So.. So what? Sew buttons on your underwear.Yeah..like I WEAR underwear..duh
Thanks! I’m intrigued by your title, too. Gotta be funny.
All I can say is, damn. What a story. I’m here from the UBP and I glad I found you. What a strong woman you are. Good for you.
This is a blog after my heart, I was divorced at 25 after being married for 4 years. I too felt trapped. I can’t believe I found you! Yay for the ultimAte blog party!
Jamie´s last blog ..Recipe for Hope
You are awesome, strong, brave, and an excellent writer taboot. I look forward to reading lots more!
Kristin @ Intrepid Murmurings´s last blog ..What do you DO all day? Thoughts on scheduling your days at home with kids…
Hi! So now I know. This is what happens when you start reading a book in the middle of the story.
I’m so glad you’ve been sharing your story and have become a part of my team too. Thank you.
MadsMom´s last blog ..Day 10 How I got here, part 1
AWESOME and brave!
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That was intriguing. I am going to have to read more.
Jack´s last blog ..We Aren’t Chickens! A Child Questions Reproduction
Thanks for visiting, Jack. You have an intriguing blog yourself!
first time to your blog. so i started here. because you told me to. you did. at the top of your left column.
i’m … “intrigued”.
also. thanks for stopping by my blog!
wendiwinn´s last blog ..sunday snippets.
[...] Time Here? Start at the beginning: "How I Left My Husband on My Lunch Break" Subscribe Subscribe to Divorced Before 30 by Email Archives Select Month March 2010 (8) [...]
Good to know (good? well, more comforting? who knows) that I’m not the only one who felt trapped and took to hiding in coffee shops. I felt like every time I walked in the door, I was walking back into the grip of a boa constrictor. Many confusing emotions, and I felt constantly under demand to justify my feelings. Fortunately, I no longer feel that way, and I am no longer asked to justify or explain anything. Details work themselves out.
Good for you for being so strong to leave! It takes a lot of inner strength and you were obviously not as fragile as you thought you had become!
Randa @ The Bewitchin’ Kitchen´s last blog ..Feature Friday: Simply Stacie
Thanks, Randa. I am going to check out your blog, too!
Hi, found you through Twitter. I’ll be divorced at 31. I’m glad you were able to get away. The next phase of your life will be awesome.
adrienne´s last blog ..National Nutrition Month 2010 & Nutrition from the Ground Up
Hmmmm, interesting. I just hopped over here from another blog, been so many places today not sure whose. Good for you for the escape. Hope everything turned out well.
Sandy´s last blog ..Is Imitation Flattery or Just Plain Copying?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this site. Just stumbled here. I’m 26 and filing for divorce this week. I need your site more than ever and am so grateful to not feel alone here! (plus, I have been listening to my share of comforting women anthems and I think we have the same sense of humor!)
You rock.
Thanks so much for the great feedback! Good luck with the divorce process. Be strong!
I am so glad I found your site (you commented just above me on today’s SITS post). I’m 27 (28 tomorrow actually) and in the midst of a divorce. It feels so lonely because all my friends are newlyweds or just getting married and are so full of love and joy. It’s just… nice to know I’m not alone, ya know? Subscribing to your RSS feed… ::hugs:: Thank you.
Mandi´s last blog ..Bipolar Nashville Weather in February
You’re definitely not alone! I will check out your blog, too!
Oh, I know those feelings – I’ve gone through the “move out while the man is away” kind of leaving, but thankfully mine was just a boyfriend. Couldn’t imagine if I’d have married the jerk! If your situation was anything like mine, I’m glad you got out safely!!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog this weekend! Hope you have a wonderful week!
[...] Time Here? Start at the beginning: "How I Left My Husband on My Lunch Break" Subscribe Subscribe to Divorced Before 30 by Email Archives Select Month January 2010 (8) [...]
Wow! I do admire your bold move and the fact that you decided to take ur life in ur own hands rather than wait for things to change around you. Wishing you all the very best SITSa!
Thanks! I just checked out your blog, and now I think I need to go shopping!
Fantastic writing… I am sure you have traveled a long journey since that day!
Dropping in from SITS to say hello and Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
~Lanie
[...] series but you’ll be able to follow more of Emma’s story by visiting her blog. I read How I left my husband on my lunch break, Emma’s first post, and, as well as wanting to know more about her story, wondered why Emma [...]
Wow, I found your blog through Since My Divorce (Mandy interviewed me too!) and I too am divorced before 30 – became official on 9/11/09, just about a month before my 30th birthday. I blog about it as well, have for almost a year and I look forward to reading your posts!!!
I look forward to reading more of yours, too!
[...] taught her it’s OK to fail. She was married for just a year and as she puts it, .. “left my husband on my lunch break.” From there she went back home to her parents and found it was where her heart wanted to be. [...]
[...] starting a new series, Divorced Before 30, featuring Emma. Emma is a blogger and her first post was How I Left My Husband on My Lunch Break. The header photo of Emma’s blog is from her wedding day – it’s very telling and [...]
I just turned 30 last month. And just got married to husband #3 in July. I love how you say you “made friends with your brain” because that is SO true! I didn’t get to be healthy until I did!
I don’t regret leaving either one of my first two husbands. I only wish I had done it sooner…:)
Wow, Emma, it’s been a long time since we talked and I’m sitting in this quiet room reflecting back on 4 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago and all that you’ve been taking on in that time. I remember a lame little e-mail that I wrote you when I heard that you were divorced. I hope you’ll forgive any sort of lack-of-depth in that message 3 years ago. Please, keep writing and sharing with us how super strong you are!
Thanks, Jules! I am sure that I appreciated your e-mail. I’m actually using my e-mail archives as writing material. It’s kind of scary to read them, but it’s also really helpful! Happy Holidays!
Reading these made me want to say “Honey, you’re going to be all right.” But you already know that since it’s 3 years past. So I’ll just say you’re a damn fine writer.
Thanks so much! Yep, thankfully I AM ok. It’s great to be at a point where I’m finally ready to write about all of this.