“Dissolution of marriage” is lawyer-speak for divorce, and if you’ve ever had to appear in court to end a marriage, you’ll probably agree that the jargon feels quite appropriate. Technical, yes. But accurate. Consult your friendly online dictionary, and you’ll find that “dissolution” means the act or process of dissolving. The more detailed entry includes the words “decay,” “disintegration,” “death,” “termination,” “destruction,” “breaking down,” “disrupting,” and “dispersing.”
So. I showed up at the county courthouse on the afternoon of September 25, 2006, ready to dissolve my marriage. I arrived several minutes early to meet my attorney, the kind soul who charged 75 bucks an hour to answer my e-mails and phone calls. Rounding up to the nearest 15-minute interval, naturally. There was a crowd mulling around outside the courtroom, and everyone looked equally wary of the big wooden doors that stood between us and the judge.
It suddenly hit me that roughly twenty of us were all getting divorced at 1:00. I had expected a private session with the justice system—a judicial tête-à-tête—and instead, I was going to be part of a mass decoupling. The judge would knock off a dozen marriages in the span of one hour. It was heartening to see local government operating so efficiently.
Now, I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of weddings in my lifetime, and I’m sure you have, too. Any self-respecting romantic comedy marches two young fools down the aisle before the credits roll. Ah-hem. Excuse me. That was bitter-dissolution-voice rearing its cynical but somewhat accurate head. The point is, between the media and real life, you and I have seen enough weddings to be able mumble at least 90% of the traditional ceremony. Extra points for channeling the priest from The Princess Bride.
But, have you ever seen a divorce proceeding? Prior to this fateful day, I had not. And I can tell you that it’s decidedly different than a wedding. There was no processional, no lovely shoes, no tightly wound bouquets. In fact, there wasn’t a groom. Since our divorce was “uncontested,” John wasn’t required to appear in court, so I was on my own, but certainly in good company with the army of strangers getting unhitched.
Within an hour of walking into the courtroom, I had witnessed at least ten divorces, including my own. I gave my testimony, a gavel proclaimed it so, and I walked out with signed papers. I was entirely disillusioned with the process, but I had the two things I had come back to Illinois to reclaim (besides my favorite jeans): My last name and my life. Reason enough, in my opinion, to eat cake.
Thanks for commenting on my blog so I could find yours! I’ve read a whole bunch here and there but want to start over from the beginning to get it all
As for the divorce, I was out of the country so even only got signed papers in the mail! For closure though my best friend and I went out for dinner and toasted the end of my marriage. I think we really do need to come up with some kind of divorce ritual. Something to mark the passage and attain closure in a stylistic way. Oh, and of course there has to be cake.
lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..London- Here I Come-
Thanks for your nice comment! It’s nice to connect with people with shared experience!
I hit traffic on my way to the courthouse and missed my appointment. My then-husband was aware of all of this and was hoping I had changed my mind. Luckily I was able to be moved to the end. I barely remember it except that it lasted about 5 minutes and was in a room with a conference table where we sat, signed a few things, and were done. I can say I remained best friends with my ex-husband until his death 2 years later.
So strange how a judge can quickly and precisely dissolve a marriage…So glad to have met you through WOW.
Shannon King´s last blog ..A Scary Story
Kudos from one brainiac to another.
Thanks for stopping by earlier to comment at my blog.
It’s been over a year since my court date, but I remember spending hours after the divorce proceedings shoveling snow. I had all of this surreal energy and didn’t know how to expel it!
For me, the experience was sad. 10 years of being w/someone ending in a 10 minute exchange w/a judge in a barren courtroom was not how I imagined it either. I didn’t eat cake, but I’m glad you did!
Wow. I imagine the whole experience would be a lot different after ten years of marriage. Thanks for visiting!
[...] I Would Miss I was fresh off a trip to divorce court and had a few more days in Illinois to make the transition to full-time telecommuting before [...]
Dissillusioned is a great way of putting it – it was such a surreal thing for me too. So simple yet the finality of it is what struck me. Walk up to the judge, answer a few questions, bam, done. Divorced. Part ways. But I love the outlook you have, and yes, cake, dammit, and heck, why not a cute NEW pair of jeans while we’re at it?!
I think a divorce party is a splendid idea. A big celebration of your fresh start!
Thanks! I just visited your blog, and I immediately felt the need to go buy a new outfit.
I have set here for an hour and read your story from beginning to date! I should start by saying that you are an awsome writer! I love your story, and your blog and have added you to my Blogroll on my blog! ‘
Dropping by from SITS! Have a great Tuesday
Thanks, J! I appreciate the SITS love!
It sounds like we are all in agreement here. A divorce party is in order. Really hysterical post. And brave too.
Stopping by from SITS.
Cake seems like a perfectly reasonable way to celebrate a divorce, particularly when it really is a cause to celebrate!
I saw your comment on SITS about disappointed Vikings fans and decided to drop in. You are a really good writer, and I imagine it’s therapeutic to process your story this way. I LOVE the photo in your header; sorry it turned out to be an omen. But there’s all that lovely green space to the right of it…just right for growing a wonderful new life. All the best.
Thanks for visiting. I hope you are successful in your quest for more bliss this year! It’s nice to connect with another Minnesota writer.
Yes, cake- and a party! Congratulations!
Thanks for the encouragement!
I visited your site, too, and I appreciate your sentiments. We DO all deserve a healthy home environment. Cheers!
You definitely deserve cake after that! Thanks for stopping by my blog this morning so I could ‘find’ you! I can SO relate on a certain level – my ex-husband left me for another woman, and as we dealt with all the BS, the ‘other woman’ was schooling him on things, and he tried to have our divorce finalized ON my 30th birthday. He fell short by 2 days.
I, like you, was a bit taken aback by the group of people in the courthouse having their divorce finalized. It was definitely a surreal moment!
Wow–thank God you didn’t have to get divorced ON your birthday!! It’s cool to connect with other women who have had similar experiences. Thanks for sharing!
You more than deserved a piece of cake. Even the whole thing!
Thanks for visiting!
Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier today! I really found your blog interesting and insightful– it opened my eyes to a whole other way of being. I have to know, though, if the picture in your header was from your actual wedding or someone elses?
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
Yep, the picture was from my actual wedding! My bridesmaids and I were walking by that sign as we were taking photos, and I thought it would be funny–it was supposed to signify the end of my days as a single gal. Little did I know!!
I think, after going through that, you most definitely deserved cake! You probably could’ve even thrown yourself a whole party.
You’re right. I think I’m going to bake a cake for any girlfriends who (heaven forbid) have to go through a divorce.