As far as I was concerned, one of the highlights of getting married was kissing the dating scene goodbye. I met my ex-husband when I was 27, so I’d had my fair share of sizing up strangers as potential dinner companions or life partners, which is about as much fun as shopping for swimsuits. You know—facing your nearly-naked self in a dressing room mirror lit by hideous fluorescent lighting. Paradoxically, it’s enough to make anyone entirely self-critical and incredibly picky at the same time.
If you’re lucky enough to experience the exhilarating thrill of finding a pretty damn good fit, the humiliating part pays off. I won’t say “perfect,” because I’m no longer convinced that’s a helpful way of looking at the world. Or bikinis. Or love, for that matter. Such a mindset previously led me on a several-years-long quest for such an inconsequential “treasure” as the perfect brown shoes. Who has the energy for that? So. I was a very recently divorced 29-year-old, living in my parents’ basement, and much to my own surprise, I actually wanted to date again.
I felt like I had seen what was behind the curtain, and the rules of the game seemed clear. I was disgusted with the old-fashioned drill of meeting guys in a lame twist of fate, like on a plane (I had), at church (check), at work (yep), or in a bar (of course I did). This time, I wanted to go about it more intentionally. You know, actually think about what qualities I was looking for ahead of time. A radical concept, I know. So, just a month after my divorce, I did the practical thing—I jumped on the match.com bandwagon and started spying on potential dates in my pajamas.
Was it too early to be dating? Maybe. But, my heart had slowly detached from my marriage months before I escaped, and I felt more at home in my own brain now than I had in years. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I was intrigued by the process of screening potential dates online and making better decisions about who I chose to spend my time with. I had lots of good reasons to slink my way back into the dating pool, but mostly, putting myself back out there felt assertive, and when life gets this woman down, “proactive” may as well be my middle name.
“Was it too early to be dating? Maybe. But, my heart had slowly detached from my marriage months before I escaped, and I felt more at home in my own brain now than I had in years.”
TOTALLY understand this concept! I too feel that way currently at only 3ish months post divorce. Entirely ready to move forward.
Katie´s last [type] ..My Latest Addiction
Thank you for making my Friday afternoon FLY by! I actually met my boyfriend/baby daddy on match and he too was divorced. I had my “rules” too about guys I would date and a divorcee was a dealbreaker for me. So glad I did though! I ask him silly, ridic questions about his marriage and discuss fears about someday marrying him.
It’s nice to get a view to see what it’s like -details and all has been so wonderful! Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Wait are you telling me there isn’t a perfect bathing suit out there for me?
Keep looking!!
Thanks for visiting!
Thanks for stopping by my site. Saturday mornings are always fun finding new blogs to read. Hope you have a fun weekend. It is Valentine’s weekend. LOVE is in the air. You never know.
How was your match.com experience (or are you still in it?). I jumped into that as well and it was a good way to get back into the “swing” of things…coming from me, as I took was married at 27 (divorced at 29) and never really dated before. It was a good experience and I’m sure I’ll jump back in at some point soon.
It was definitely an interesting experience, but in the end, it wasn’t really for me. I think it’s cool that you’re trying some of the other sites, too!