It was Election Day 2006, and after voting and putting in a day’s work, I drove to my friend Josh’s condo in South Minneapolis for our “pseudo date.” Before heading to the Guthrie Theater for a play, we imbibed pints of homebrew as I spilled my guts about my short-lived marriage and my recent divorce. He’d never even met John, so we had some catching up to do.
Josh and I had been friends since 1995, but since graduating from the same small college, he’d stayed in Minneapolis, while I’d lived in D.C., Massachusetts, and Illinois. We’d kept in touch via very occasional e-mails, and I’d invited him to my wedding, though he didn’t make it. So he really didn’t know what the last couple years of my life had been like, and vice versa. Truth be told, some of my closest friends had no idea what was going on with me. Why do we pull away when we need people the most?
With the heavy stuff out of the way, we hit the town for a delightfully civilized evening. We had an appetizer and drinks at Spoonriver, a wee restaurant with an organic bent, before going next door to the Guthrie, an architectural daredevil perched above the Mississippi River. During the intermission, we stood on the “Endless Bridge,” a lobby that juts out from the side of the building to offer striking views of the Minneapolis skyline and the Stone Arch Bridge. As we returned for the second act, he gently placed a hand on my shoulder, as if to protect me from the frenzied playgoers choking down their overpriced Irish coffees en route to their seats.
After the play, we shared fancy french fries and other small-plate goodies at the Minneapolis late-night foodie favorite, 112 Eatery. We dished about careers, life, and love, and it was refreshing to be able to share so openly with a guy. One thing was clear. With more than a decade of dating under our respective belts, neither of us felt particularly enlightened on the subject. Josh felt like he had dated some really great women, but he wasn’t always sure what went wrong.
My latest theory was simple: It’s all about timing. We’d both dated plenty of great people, but for whatever reason, the timing was off. Was that the case with my ex-husband? Our issues seemed much bigger than timing, but who really knows? The key, I declared, was to find the right person at the right time, when you’re both truly ready to be your best selves for each other. You could choose to look at your dating career up to that point as a) an interesting social experiment, b) a culinary tour of your metro area, c) torture, pure torture, or d) practice for the real deal.
We left the restaurant happy with the buzz of heady conversation and cabernet sauvignon. It was midnight before we got back to Josh’s condo, and because my dose of vino would not make for responsible driving, I requested the courtesy of his couch. Since I was living with my parents at the time, I did them the courtesy of a mid-sleep-cycle jolt, also known as the dreaded middle of the night phone call (a parents’ nightmare!), to say I’d be home in the morning.
I was ill-prepared for a sleepover, so Josh picked out some basketball shorts and a t-shirt that were far better suited to his 6’8″ frame. And, though he brought me a pillow and blanket, he suggested that I didn’t have to sleep on the couch. Since we’d shared a bed before without any awkwardness, I gladly crawled into his cozy bed, which was wedged into an ironically tiny bedroom. We said goodnight, and as the lights faded, I thought to myself, “No big deal.” Except—
I proceeded to stare at the ceiling for the next two hours, practically holding my breath, wondering if he was asleep.
So, what has happened between then and now? Have you blogged about it? I am going to have to catch up now. Loved what I read today. Thanks for sharing your stories.
KT´s last blog ..girl talk
Thanks! It’s a work in progress. This post is from November 2006, and I’m currently writing about March 2007. So you’re not too far behind!
Did you get any sleep after that, and did you two date again?
Shannon King´s last blog ..A Scary Story
why do we pull away? i think it’s because, to some, need comes across as weak. and since we’re never sure who might think that way and because the person doing the needing might feel that way him- or herself, we don’t let others in. one of your readers commented that we don’t want to burden others. i think it’s more than that. we want to be liked. and when the world doesn’t go the happy-go-lucky way, we’re afraid if we unload, we won’t be.
c.c.´s last blog ..and ye shall be rewarded
[...] I have to admit, I am struggling a bit. It’s hard to explain, but I will try. Last Tuesday was sort of a leap of faith on both of our parts. I like that it was a mutual leap, with each of us [...]
A pseudo-date with a friend…no pressure, no awkwardness…perfect situation! If this is going where I think it’s going, you have something in common with my daughter. I look forward to reading more of your story!
Blissed-Out Grandma´s last blog ..I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty
“Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest” from sunny Cairo!
BLOGitse´s last blog ..your WOrds my IMAge = WO*IMA #57
I think I know where this is heading…
I totally agree about timing.
I’ve taken the last few days to read your whole divorce story so far. Interesting read. I take it the banner pic is from your actual wedding? Was the sign there already or did you photoshop it in? If it’s real, then that was a remarkable omen!
When I read University Ave. and I-74 in your first few posts, I knew which city you’re talking about. I lived there too, the same time this was all happening. My divorce would be two years later, probably in the same courthouse. Funny. You got divorced on my 35th birthday. Also, like your littlest brother, I was a wrestler with two big brothers (and two big sisters) and who went to state. Anyway, just thought I would share these coincidences.
Keep writing! I can’t wait to see if you end up with the old pirate or the philandering geek.
Thanks for the support! Funny that we lived in the same town during all of this. I’m sure it probably was the same courthouse. The banner pic was indeed from my wedding day. No PhotoShop–definitely an omen!
ooo, how was the morning!
What a fun post. This: “Why do we pull away when we need people the most?” really hit me. It’s so true. I’m guilty of this. All I can come up with is that I don’t want to burden people. I will let them burden me way, way, way more than I should, but I will do anything and everything in my power to avoid being a burden to anyone else.
Elle @ A for Effort´s last blog ..H for Happy Birthday
he BETTER have been awake, pining for you to roll over, and say Baby…BAby…BABy…BABY!!!!!!!!, or else.
You are a crazy old man!
Oh Pete… We all know that he was! Or really should have been.