It was Tuesday night, and I should have been out on my first date with Josh, who was hopefully sick. I say “hopefully” not because I wished him any pain or discomfort, but because if he wasn’t sick, it meant that he was a) full of shit, b) flaking out on our potential romance, and c) unlikely to be my friend for much longer. And all of that would suck.
I had an ex-boyfriend who often referred to his brain as a gerbil. You know—running on a little wheel at a breakneck speed, working way harder than necessary. What makes gerbils do that, anyway? I absolutely love to run, but put me on a treadmill, and I spend pretty much every second looking for an excuse to jump off. My ex was 100% accurate, by the way. He thought way too much, and it scared me. The point of this digression is that Josh’s “illness” had my own brain working overtime. If there was, indeed, a gerbil up there, it was sprinting as though fueled by a couple shots of espresso and a box of Lucky Charms. Cue up “Eye of the Tiger” for my little champ.
Clearly, I had to stop this madness, so I channeled my doubt and anxiety back to the source. I e-mailed Josh, and I let him know that I was losing my mind. Lo and behold, after 15 years of dating and one failed marriage, I sometimes made the right move. I wrote:
Hey there. I hope that you’re doing OK. I’ve had a mellow night here, mostly reading in front of the fireplace. Nice, but somewhat of a downer in that the book is definitely pretty heavy. It’s taking some interesting turns, though, which I love.
Ugh. I have to admit, I am struggling a bit. It’s hard to explain, but I will try. Last Tuesday was sort of a leap of faith on both of our parts. I like that it was a mutual leap, with each of us taking certain chances. Taking chances means letting oneself be vulnerable, which is both beautiful and awful at the same time. I have felt really happy and great for the most part this week, but the longer I go without seeing you again, the more abstract the situation feels. Hence the brain is working harder than it should and I am sort of mildly freaking out. Not outwardly. Not majorly. But still. I want to curl up in a ball with you and know that this is real.
So, that’s my best shot at explaining. I’m sorry you’re sick. I hope that you wake up tomorrow feeling happy and all better.
Love,
e
I didn’t get a response from him until around noon the next day, when he called me from his HOSPITAL BED.
I would have taken it to the next level, cause that’s how my gerbil runs, and called the hospital just to make sure he was telling the truth. Yeah, I have issues.
@Dayngr´s last blog ..Dayngrous Discourse Ultimate Blog Party 2010
I’m not sure how I ‘found’ your blog, but I have to say, I love it! You really are such an engaging writer as you tell your story in the months after ending your marriage. As a single, never married 30-something, it’s been fun to follow along and anticipate what the ending may be. Can’t wait to find out!
Lisa F´s last blog ..The Walk
Thanks, Lisa! You have a lovely blog. I love the clean layout.
Great story. Good for you for being straight forward, I would have let that gerbil in my head make me insane haha.
Emily´s last blog ..{wasn’t that a party}
You’re such a good storyteller, I couldn’t get enough! I hadn’t been over in a while and just read a bunch of posts back-to-back eager to find out what happened next. Keep them coming please
And I can imagine what a thrill it was when you two finally kissed after holding back for so long. It’s the stuff of movies really!
Dorkys´s last blog ..Cupcakes on Wheels
Coming by from SITS…
Umm, I was divorced and married a couple-a-three-times by the time I was 30… well I was only divorced twice by then… the 3rd marriage seems to be sticking… at least for the last 14 years!
Sorry Josh got sick, but look at the bright side… He REALLY was sick!
~dawn´s last blog ..International Women’s Day… Let’s Hear it for the Girls!
I obsess like a gerbil over things. I can’t stop it nor help it no matter how many times I tell myself to stop. Sorry he’s sick but way to go for putting yourself out there! Hope he feels better soon so you two can go out.
Stopping by from SITS.
Chelle´s last blog ..Not Me! Mondays
Wow, good for you–sending a straightforward (but carefully worded, of course) message was brave and smart. And how “nice” that he was really sick!
Blissed-Out Grandma´s last blog ..Will the real Matt Nokes please stand up?
Wow. What a tale. (Hopefully he’s doing ok.) We’re so used to dating and having people flake on us, that when there are legit reasons, we almost need tangible proof.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Real Housewives, Real Adults, Real Friends?
Way to go, you! Too many women play games instead of doing the smart thing and just being straight forward. You made a good choice. I can’t wait to read the next post..I really hope Josh was/is okay!
Elle @ A for Effort´s last blog ..I for Idiot (M for Moron): Apparently, I is one.