Winter in Minnesota was glorious through the New Year, but things went downhill from there. Being cold was getting old, telecommuting was making me cuckoo, and I was getting tired of driving back and forth between my parents’ house and Minneapolis. When some people feel down, they drink booze, buy shoes, or find a beach. I go totally berserk on self-improvement.
Nothing gets me through a tough case of the blahs better than a goal, and the more challenging, the better. With my 30th birthday just a few months away, I wanted to be in a better place mentally. So, I registered for a marathon, signed up for an 8-week writing class, and started looking for a job in Minneapolis. Making these commitments was ironically liberating, and I jumped into the comforting act of chasing down goals.
With so much going on, there was little room for sadness to creep in, and that’s exactly the way I wanted it. Of course it wasn’t just the weather or the fact that I was going to be 30 and living in my parents’ basement. There was no way to quantify the emotional fallout of my divorce, but it was deeper than I wanted to admit.
I thought I had been doing a good job of working through my feelings, but how much is enough? I continued to have terrifying nightmares, and they’d actually gotten worse. Not only was I trapped with John, but I was having an affair with Josh, and the desperation I felt was indescribable. I’d wake drenched in sweat, stress hormones surging through my body.
I wasn’t sure how to make the bad dreams stop, but I did know how to pursue goals with a vengeance. Taking control was the best medicine, and I hoped that if I just kept running, I would eventually set myself free.
My soul…how our lives are so different yet our hearts/feelings so very much the same.
Sigh.
I have gotten myself so occupied and busy over the last month that I have literally made myself physically ill. Exhausted emotionally and physically just trying to occupy my mind lest I think of how I failed in my marriage.
And now…the nightmares? Oh – dear sister – last night, I lay in bed with my new Beau and dreamed of my ex and I in that same bed. Now THAT is a nightmare.
Katie´s last blog ..My Latest Addiction
Katie, it’s so good to hear that you’re on my wavelength. I’m sorry that you’re feeling run down. What can you do to remedy that?
[...] quickly become a huge part of my life, but I was also come-hell-or-high-water committed to the goals I had set for myself. So I tried to strike a balance between “Josh time” and other [...]
Oh wow! You’ve got a lot on your plate my friend. Good luck with it all, it seems to me you’ll come through smiling.
Thanks for coming by and making my SITS day such a wonderful experience! Your time and words mean the world to me.
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What’s For Dinner
http://www.mawhat4dinner.com
ma what’s for dinner´s last blog ..SITStas in the House!
stopping by to wish you a Happy Sharefest Saturday!!!
what a great blog!!I admire you and your strength and honesty!!I am a runner, too,so come on over!
twincerely,Olga´s last blog ..AloHa FriDaY!!!
So many women respond in this way…. We multi-task anyway, so why not set three HUGE goals all at one! Well written, as always.
Blissed-Out Grandma´s last blog ..Happy May Day
ye gads beware of the Smithie plague “pursue goals with a vengeance.”
lynne´s last blog ..Corsets