My dog, Tucker, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure about life in an urban apartment. His struggle inspired choice behaviors such as peeing when new friends entered the apartment, barking at passersby, waking me at 4:00 a.m., and eating permanent markers and lip balms in my bed. While all of these were inconvenient, the barking posed the biggest problem.
A few days later, Molly stopped by to let me know that Tucker was getting a little better. Just as I was breathing a sigh of relief, Tucker bolted past us and barreled downstairs toward Molly’s open apartment door. As though in slow-motion, Molly screamed, “Marmalade!” and I could just envision Tucker taking out her overstuffed orange cat in glorious revenge. We scrambled down to the front porch, where Tucker had merely cornered the cat.
Wendy introduced Tucker to a thoughtfully selected lineup of dogs. There was Ralph, a yellow Lab who liked to wrestle; Sam, a mutt who tended to growl at any dog who approached him; and Sadie, a Golden Retriever who could have been mistaken for a rug. The three dogs examined Tucker, making sure that he’d be a successful member of the pack.
My runty Lab mix passed with flying colors and was invited to join the daycare. For 27 bucks a day—no small potatoes on a non-profit salary—Tucker would be able to play rather than raise hell in the apartment. I bought a 10-day pass, which offered a slightly better rate, and I vowed to take Tucker twice a week, both to give the neighbors a break and to save myself the trouble of lunch-time dog walking.
When I picked up Tucker from his first full day at daycare, the young woman who rounded him up said he’d been a model dog. After we got home, he was so wiped out from all of the wrestling and frolicking that he barely made it through our evening walk. He just wanted to loll on the cool wood floor, panting with a goofy dog grin in full effect.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a kid, a supposed adult, or an adolescent dog—change can really throw you for a loop. All of us are prone to acting out when faced with a major transition, a new challenge, or the loss of something (or someone) familiar. I try to refrain from eating lip balms and permanent markers, but the peaks and valleys of my life bring out an array of less than desirable stress responses, including—but not limited to—anxiety, insomnia, and ice cream consumption.
Since I’d left my ex in August, I’d been through all that and more. Seeing Tucker finally at peace in the new apartment made me realize just how natural it is to become stressed by change. More importantly, it reminded me that the same simple solution that worked for my dog often works for me: get out of the house (and often out of my head), spend time with friends, and work up a good sweat. There’s something undeniably restorative about playing and working hard. As I lounged on Megan’s couch with a Gatorade, I couldn’t top Tucker’s shit-eating grin (unfortunately, I mean this quite literally), but I was happy to be there, in that apartment, in that city, at that point in time. Life wasn’t perfect, but Tucker and I were figuring it out together, one day at a time.
*****
Your Turn
What’s your own simple solution for stress relief?
What life lessons have you learned from a pet?
How ridiculous is it to say that a cat “wet herself”?
Right now, I wish I could be past this point in my life where I have so many “why?” running through my head. I’ve acted out in rather unpleasant ways myself.
Katie´s last blog ..My Latest Addiction
Doggy Daycare is SERIOUSLY the best invention ever! My 1 1/2 year old dog LOVES it. She goes 2 or 3 times a week and on the days when she doesn’t I am exhausted!
I found your site through the SITS girls and I can’t stop reading! Your writing is witty and profound. Your story is riveting. Thanks so much for bearing your soul to all of us.
Heather´s last blog ..I have found the anti-christ
Nice challenge Emma, these responses are awesome!
I was sick recently and can say that I only got worried when our normally a-social/anti-social cat Nermal glued herself to me for several days. I was afraid of the “nursing home cat effect”.
Luckily, I learned she was wrong.
I lived.
Anxiety, insomnia, and ice cream consumption … exactly what just about did me in when I lost my job a year ago! (Lip balms and permanent markers, not so much.) Glad you found a solution for Tucker’s stress.
Biking and fitness walks in Ft. Tryon Park (once my knee improved enough to engage in them) have been a huge help in maintaining my sanity. And so has my cat, Billy, whom I adopted just a couple weeks after I lost my job. He’s been here about a year now, and I can’t imagine life without him.
Billy needed time to adjust (coming off the streets of the Bronx into a nice apartment in Washington Heights), even if the change was a positive one. Some adjustments were fast: it only took him two nights to realize he didn’t have to sleep underneath the couch, as it was now safe to sleep out in the open. Others took longer: It was several months before he stopped wolfing every bit of food put down within 30 seconds, finally trusting that there would be more. He didn’t play with toys for several months; he had probably never had any, and “play” was not a concept he understood at first. Now he delights in tossing his plush bird with the feather tail around the living room, attacks the bouncing end of the cat dancer with abandon, and tears after the laser pointer like nobody’s business. And he now knows what kisses are, and lifts his head and closes his eyes every time he’s about to get one.
Arriving as a scrawny and dirty but sociable little guy with calloused paw pads, Billy is now a soft, glossy, 10-pound hunk of pure love who gives me high-fives for treats. I’ve never had a “street cat” before, and what he’s taught me is this: not to let life’s hardships harden you, because things can turn positive when you least expect them to.
Jane´s last blog ..Life in the Bike Lane
When I was in my 20s and experiencing a lot of difficult emotional growth spurts, I had a cat who kept watch over me. Particularly during times of persistent and oddly quiet angst, I noticed that when she sat on my lap, she would do so with a weight that was grounding. It was her way of saying, “Sit. Stay.”
Katie Gates´s last blog ..Too Many Machines
if i’m totally stressed out, i go to a restaurant like friday’s, have a heineken or a chocolate martini (yum), eat and write until i’m chill. or i go for a really long drive and listen to edgy music until…
i used to have a french mastiff. he and i would walk a mile almost every day. one day, we’d usually stop on the golf course and let him lap up some water out of one of those cone cups (repeatedly) for about ten minutes or so. i usually let go off his leash then, and we’d just sit for a bit. well, this guy comes whizzing past on his bicycle, with his miniature poodle, which is not on a leash.
you’ve seen turner and hooch, right? that was my dog. well, not hooch specifically. mine was related to him. big dog. HUGE dog. very, very fast dog. he’s all kinds of alert when my neighbor and his poodle pass us. i grab hold of his collar to keep him still. and when my neighbor and his poodle are out of sight, i let go to get up. big mistake. HUGE. my dog goes tearing off after the leashless poodle.
i go cutting through yards to get back to my house, hoping that i can beat it home before the neighbor, because i know exactly what’s going to happen. mean man with his leashless poodle will go to my mother and bitch. and sure enough, as i’m huffing and puffing it up the neighboring driveway to our yard, there’s mean mean bitching. he’s holding his white poodle close to his chest with one hand and his bike with the other, and my mother’s apologizing profusely. and then he looks at me with this vicious glare and says i need to get control of my dog. i’m thinking he needs to put his on a leash. but yeah, i can see your point. the thing is, my dog and i don’t really like poodles. the mean man leaves. i look around for my dog, who is happily sniffing at trees several feet away, like nothing bad just happened.
and oh, wow. that’s pretty pathetic that molly said that. i don’t think i could’ve held a straight face for that. and “hmph” would’ve been more like a snort.
c.c.´s last blog ..project: the second
Oh, dear. I can just picture the mastiff chasing the poodle. Hilarious. Thanks for the story! When I lived in Western Massachusetts, I would go for long drives to decompress, but I haven’t done it for years. I guess I use running in a similar way.
* Sulking, eating chocolate, sleeping all day…oh, you mean HEALTHY ways of dealing with stress. The absolute best are grandkids and gardening. When those are not available, Photoshopping grandkid and garden pix.
* My cats have taught me that nature can be cruel, but it is what it is.
* My cats have peed or pissed or sprayed on carpets, walls, and boots. They have never “wet themselves.” Neither did Marmalade, unless she was wearing tiny overalls.
BLissed-Out Grandma´s last blog ..Happy birthday, ViMae…
Oh, Lord. The image of the tiny overalls made me laugh out loud. Cackle, really. Too funny! I wish I could get into gardening. I come from a long line of women who garden, and I just don’t know if I have a green thumb in me. On the other hand, I barely have time to sleep, so maybe I should be glad!
I try and meditate for 30 minutes. Sometimes that turns into a nap, but I figure that’s ok too, it’s probably what I need. Haven’t had any pets since I became allergic to our cats so many years ago but it was nice to have blind devotion from one cat and supreme indifference from the other. An illustration of “it’s not me, it’s them”. I know what you mean about the “wet herself” expression. It’s a little anthropomorphic I think.
Hiromi´s last blog ..Weekend in New York
Yes, exactly–it did strike me as anthropomorphic! Meditation is something that I should do more often. I often need the structure of a yoga class to even remember to do it. I have an over-active brain, so it really does help when I remember to practice.
I don’t generally get stressed out because I know that I’ll get past it. Right now I could use a simple solution because I’m not sure how I’ll get passed it. Damn work!
Atlas taught me that you shouldn’t bite children.
We gave Atlas a bath once and he peed himself. He didn’t like it. At all.
Oh, that is sad about Atlas. I’m sorry that he started biting your kids. What a tough situation. And the peeing doesn’t sound very fun either. Sorry you’re working so much these days! Hopefully it’s a short-term thing!
Stopping by from SITS. The title of your Blog intrigued me, but I am a follower for sure, and I can’t wait to read the rest of your story.
Ashley @ The Design Thief´s last blog ..Window Shopping at Anthropologie
Thanks for visiting! I’ll check out your site. I try to stay out of Anthropologie, but they just opened one a mile from where I live. Temptation!
I’m with elle (the other one) and Scraps…I like alone time to decompress. For me, it often involves napping!
We loooooove doggy daycare. It’s a surefire way to have tired doggies for a while! Our rescue Pug has taught us that you can teach a dog new tricks and that the pain from the past can be overcome with patience and love.
Elle´s last blog ..R for Recap: Summer of Hell (Week 1)
Oh, lord. I sure do love naps, too. I need to make more time for them. I like your Pug lessons–so true!
1) I’m with elle–I need time to decompress all by myself. Sometimes it means reading a book, sometimes it means turning off all music/noise and taking a nap, sometimes it’s just slamming non-breakable things around and ranting where no one can see or judge
2) Don’t have an answer for this one, really, but my Mom brings her French Bulldog to doggy daycare a few times a week and reports the same thing: utterly exhausted & happy dog at the end of the day.
3) Sounds weird but I suppose it’s as possible as anything else!
Scraps´s last blog ..New Project Alert!
Ha! I love the image of slamming non-breakable things around. And ranting. I love a good rant.
Incidentally my cat Scout “Shat” herself one time after a large Tomcat snuck up on her back in our Bozeman days. She was so started she jumped backwards, slammed her body against the garage and shat herself silly. Ever try washing poop off of a cat that hates water? So yes, I think to say that a cat wetting herself is perfectly OK.
Oh, God. That is so terrible. At the time, the expression struck me as so odd, and I definitely thought she was being melodramatic. But you cat lovers are helping me see the situation from Marmalade’s side!
• honestly? alone time… if i’m wiped there’s nothing i like more than taking a big bubble bath and listening to acoustic bands, or cooking a big meal from scratch (for one), or even sitting in my underwear watching reality tv and putting curlers in my hair and painting my nails. it gives me time to think (or not think at all), and just appreciate my life as it is.
• i got moose during a really rough time in my life. at 17, i was living with an abusive boyfriend in an attic apartment and our puppy had just passed away. i got moose to keep me company. and when m was off on his drug binges or sleeping with other women, i had my pet. he slept with me every night, watched me get ready in the morning, and gave me all the kisses in the world. when i was bed-ridden after a hospital stay, moose didn’t leave my side. it sounds so silly, but at a really selfish (and lonely) time in my life, moose taught me that i do have love inside me to give.
• totally ridiculous! but it’s a real thing!
Oooh…your stress relief list sounds heavenly. I’m a big fan of the bubble bath. Hearing your description of Moose is so sweet. Thanks for sharing!