After I’d had a chance to think about Josh’s three-to-five year procreation timeframe, I decided to tell him how exactly how I felt. It was scary, because there was a chance that my biological clock would freak him out, and where would that leave our relationship? I pretty much wanted to have a baby tomorrow, and while I knew that was extreme, I was hoping he’d meet me somewhere in the middle.
So, one night as we were curled up in bed, I broached the subject again. I shared my fears, my instincts, and what I wanted out of life. I explained how women’s fertility starts to decline at a ridiculously young age. Sure—many women successfully get pregnant in their late 30s and beyond, but it can become increasingly difficult, and given my own health history, I didn’t want to take any chances. And on a personal level, I’d always wanted to be a young mom. There’s nothing wrong with having kids later in life—or not having them at all, for that matter—but that’s not what I wanted.
I apologized for putting this on him so soon, but I had to get it out in the open before moving in together. Josh is a very even-keeled, practical person, so he expressed concern about wanting to be in a better place financially. But. Deep breath. He wasn’t opposed to trying to get pregnant a little sooner if it was that important to me. We didn’t talk specifically about timing, but we agreed to toss out the idea that we had to wait three to five years. Neither of us felt particularly attached to social convention.
So that was a huge relief. Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind—I just wanted to build a life with Josh and keep working on becoming the best version of me that I could be. Once we were on the same page, we revved up our house-hunting engines. By the end of July, we had an offer accepted on a cute little starter home just a few minutes from downtown Minneapolis.
We didn’t know how it had happened, but we were suddenly bound for the ‘burbs. And we were excited about it. Tucker would have his own yard, and Josh and I would start our life together, twelve years after we first became friends as first-year college students in Burton Hall.
I think you were really smart to have this conversation before moving in together. It could have been a deal breaker and you found out where Josh stood.
There were conversations I should have had with my husband before we got married but didn’t because I thought “it would all work out” and maybe I was scared what would happen if we didn’t agree.
Mandy´s last blog ..Going West for a new life after divorce
Hi Emma, I’ve continued reading and enjoying your blogoir, and I’m dropping in now because I think my most recent post — “Where Women Fall Short” (July 7) — may be of particular interest to you. I hope you’ll have a chance to give it a read.
Katie Gates´s last blog ..Where Women Fall Short
I knew before you wrote this that this would be the outcome. That Josh is a keeper!
Hubs and I tried to get pregnant for over 9 months before getting married. Marriage was something we did for our families, not for ourselves.
Yeah, for the starter house!….next installment please.
Mads Mom´s last blog ..Tuesdays Tuna
Aw, I kinda knew he’d agree to compromise. And I love that you became friends as first-year students, just like my stepdaughter and her husband.
BLissed-Out Grandma´s last blog ..July 4- 1985- Fireworks
I know that a lot of people have different times in which they want to have children, I mean, I was 17 when I had my first, 20 when I had my second. I don’t regret a minute of it. I was afraid to throw the “maternal” clock conversation at my boyfriend recently, but after a long winded talk – instead of waiting that 3-5 years (like we had actually planned) we decided not to wait. I really enjoy your writing.
There’s never a perfect time to have a baby. You can always find some sort of reason.
When Scott told me he wanted to go to graduate school, I got all freaked out thinking I would have to wait until I was 30 or so to have a baby. I asked what would happen if I became pregnant before then? He said “We’d have a baby.” I got pregnant the next month and have NEVER regretted it. It is hard to have a baby when you are poor, but I think there never is a perfect time except for when it actually happens.
Auntie Suta´s last blog ..A day at the beach- and after