Divorced Before 30

Today’s guest post is from Natalie. Like jobo, she writes about how divorce made her stronger.

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I got divorced after three months of marriage. The situation was full of red flags before I got into it, and it got even worse after the “I do’s.” It was so brief that I really thought I could move on and not ever worry about it again.

But I didn’t fit with the singles, and divorced people didn’t give me much credit because I hadn’t suffered enough, so it isn’t any wonder that I found myself getting married again just a year later. Luckily, he is a fabulous man, and this summer we’re celebrating four years of marriage.

Getting divorced and suddenly being a part of a group of people who have endured a common pain led me to a few certain truths:

• I find myself encouraging marriage to skeptics because divorce isn’t the end of the world. And marriage done right can be amazing. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it.
• I tell teen girls that movies like Twilight are horrible because they deserve to be treated well by a man at all times. That passion and being “someone’s personal brand of heroin” is one thing, but being treated nicely and wonderfully by someone is better.
• I am cynical and jaded. But I still love a good love story.
• I’m aware that my life will be full of big mistakes that people will judge me for. That my life is best lived in the open. Nothing is certain.
• I try harder to make my marriage work, knowing what is on the other side of the door—though also understanding that what is on the other side of the door isn’t the end of the world.
• People or “friends” who judge and criticize aren’t worth it. Dump them.

Even if I’d like to ignore all the madness that happened, I’ve decided that I am better off with these truths. I’m better off having learned them. Perhaps I am more empathetic, perhaps I am stronger. Perhaps I am more open to possibilities because I learned at 21 that life is so uncertain.

I’m not glad it happened, and if I could go back, I would totally change things, but I’ve accepted it and understand how it shapes me now. What have you learned from your divorce?

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Natalie Wardel is a writer in San Diego. She works in public relations and marketing during the day and gets her MBA at night. She lives with her husband and puppy. She writes daily at The Bobby Pin.

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