Divorced Before 30

Well, the holidays are in full swing now, so I thought I would share a bit more of the advice submitted by readers. Most of these insights are probably most relevant for the divorced “newbies” among us. Enjoy.

“Find at least one person who can be there all night to support you. If a conversation gets difficult, your support person can help you out of a bad situation. Also, it’s OK to leave the room. Go to the bathroom and cry if you have to; go outside and get some fresh air. If it gets to be too much, take a breather. Finally, have one-liners ready to say to people should they ask you about your divorce. Depending on the crowd, these one-liners could be short and to the point, sarcastic, or simple and nice.”

I think the idea of having one-liners ready is terrific!

“I didn’t have kids in my divorce, and my ex’s family was not involved, so very little changed after I got divorced other than my ex wasn’t with me.  The most difficult thing was that my family felt the need to treat me with kid-gloves, so they “tactfully” avoided the topic, and as a result, basically ignored me altogether.  It was annoying, and it made me feel like they didn’t really care to know how I was doing.”

I’m guessing that this person’s family really just didn’t know what to say. Sometimes, to break the tension, it might help for you to acknowledge what happened with one of those handy one-liners. What about saying something like, “This has been a really hard year for me, but I’m hanging in there. What’s new with you?”

“Lean on your family. They love you no matter what.
Meet up with old friends—people who knew you before you were married.
Make sure your current friends understand why you may not be attending their parties where your ex may be.”

Meeting up with old friends really helped me get through the first few months after I left my ex. One thing I did not have was a friend who had been through a divorce. My advice: If you don’t have a friend “in real life” who can relate, make some friends online! Try visiting the blogs of some of my guest posters and leaving comments and/or engaging with them on twitter.

Happy Holidays, everyone! I’m signing out until 2012 to take a little blogging break.

*****

I Want to Know

• How did Thanksgiving go?
• If you’re new to this divorce thing this year, how has the holiday season been for you so far?

Visit me at my other blog, emmasota, where I just wrote a post about how the holidays can be difficult, or find me on twitter @emmasota. And, if you haven’t already, please connect with Divorced Before 30 on Facebook!