In my experience, people often report that they’re actually stronger, happier, and more self-confident after their divorces. However, if you’re in the ugly thick of things—whether that’s negotiating your divorce terms, mourning the loss of your supposed life partner, or facing a financial disaster—that idea might seem downright laughable.
You may feel like the most unlovable person in the world. Or the stupidest, depending on what happened. Perhaps you suspect that—like Humpty Dumpty—your heart can’t be put back together again. You may feel like your friends and family (who are no doubt trying to encourage you) don’t know jack shit about your pain (they probably don’t).
Well, here’s another really annoying person telling you that—guess what, Sunshine?—things will get better. You’ll always have a scar from this particular life event, but it will fade. And like a physical scar, you’ll grow less aware of it over time. Oh, it will still be there, and maybe it will even hurt once in a while when the weather is changing, but you will rise above it. You will.
One day, you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve been given a fresh start. Sure, you have some new baggage, but it doesn’t need to hold you back. You can check your baggage, metaphorically speaking. You were born to do something extraordinary (Yes, I’m serious!), and maybe, just maybe, living through this horrible experience called divorce will help you do it with even more brilliance.
So, I ask you: What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? Don’t waste any energy fearing failure. Don’t waste any fearing success. You get to decide what’s best for you now. You get to make—maybe break—the rules.
*****
Your Turn:
Have you reinvented yourself since your divorce? Or is everything still too new?
Do you have any goals that you haven’t had the courage to say out loud yet?
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For me, reinvention is a great way for making oneself clear and capable enough in every challenge comes along in a relationship…
They have said that we need to think first if we want to enter the world of being a couple… But as life goes by, there’s a lot of unexpected things that happen, such reason for a couple to decide to end up their relationship… Good thing there what we called “Divorce” the best solution for a worst relationship… Just my thoughts! Thanks…
Last year, my husband and I decided to divorce for some reason… I am very thankful of this legal way of separation, by this I’m able to escape with the crazy world I choose of being a wife the man who ruin my world…
Learn to be creative to your self..
Reinvention..
Thanks for the post..
Bianca´s last [type] ..Hotel in Paignton
Learn to accept and love your self first..
No one will accept of who and what you are ..
But only you..
Hurting makes you stronger..
I stalked jobo’s blog (and this one too!) when I was stuck doing the whole, “Should I stay or should I go?” dance dilemma and a lot of what I read not only helped me make the right decision about my marriage (um, run for your life!!!), but it also inspired me to DO something with the experience while I was at it.
I’m currently separating with a divorce looming very soon and I am using the experience to reinvent myself, start over wonderful and blog about it too! It has been an amazing experience so far with way more positive experiences than negative ones. Yes, the divorce process itself is hard. More than hard. I’ve had to go through the pain and the grief of losing all of those hopes and dreams, not to mention the relationship itself and who I thought I had married, but I’m coming out on the other side stronger and wiser for it.
Sometimes, I don’t know where exactly I hope to be when I come out on the other side of this. I try to imagine where I’ll be in this reinvention project that day I’ll hold a signed final divorce decree in my hands, but the image of it is still somewhat blurry right now. I am still in the thick of things when it comes to the actual divorce process and sometimes it is hard to see clearly through the ugly fog of all the legalities. We have a very young child and that makes it that much more complicated.
I do know that I will be happy wherever this experience takes me. Why? Because the BIGGEST lesson that I’ve learned so far is that the only person that can make you happy in this life is yourself.
And the above comment is spot on. Divorce, like most other difficulties in life, will either make your or break you.
Phenom´s last [type] ..In Defense of the Divorce Party.
You’re so right that the only person who can make you happy is yourself. Other nice people can help, but really, it’s up to you. I still need a reminder of that from time to time (we all do, right?).
A-freakin-men!! What doesn’t break you makes you stronger. Total reinvention over here
jobo´s last [type] ..Best. Friday Morning. Ever.
Yep. You’re the poster child for reinvention!
I absolutely hate that I had to learn self-confidence and self-acceptance from divorce…but I did. It’s probably like any other crappy event in our lives: it either takes you out or makes you stronger. I vote for the latter!
My sentiments exactly!