Right after my divorce, it was pretty hard for me to “keep my chin” up, as they say. Hold my head up high? That took months, and in some ways, years.
This weekend, I went to my hometown with my parents and one of my brothers to attend a fundraiser for the wrestling club that my three brothers participated in for years. My dad was a coach, too, and I spent hours of my youth watching wrestling practices and tournaments. The smell of wrestling mats will be with me for life.
At the fundraiser, which was held at the small-town golf club, I ran into my former piano teacher, my middle-school principal, several people from my high school class, and of course lots of my brothers’ teammates and their families. Isn’t it funny how people look so different and yet exactly the same? And how you can remember people’s names after you haven’t seen them—or even thought about them—for twenty years?
As we were driving home, I couldn’t believe how relaxed and happy I felt.
“You know,” I told my family, “I used to hate running into people from high school.”
“You mean right after your divorce?” Mom asked.
My divorce hadn’t even crossed my mind. “Well, yeah, but even before that, too. But now it’s totally okay. Fun, even.”
What’s the difference? I simply know who I am now. In high school, I was really involved and probably seemed to fit in, but I wasn’t really comfortable in my own skin. I don’t think I really came into my own until I moved home after my divorce. After going through something so epic in my twenties, I had a totally different perspective about who I was and what mattered to me.
For a while, it really bothered me that I might be judged for being divorced, but I came to realize that I didn’t really care. And you know what? Most people didn’t—don’t—really care. Life happens. Every family has its drama, and your divorce news will only be an interesting tidbit of gossip for so long.
Going home has never felt better, and I wish the same for each and every one of you.
*****
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Going home, for me, too would never feel better either. Not even so much because I am past my divorce, but just because I feel so much more confident and able, like you mention, too. Knowing who you are.
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It is nice to know that your family backs you up in times of sadness. Happy for you …
Great article. I believe that when you are in your home you are safe and I feel complete when I am home with my family.
Going home, for me, too would never feel better either. Not even so much because I am past my divorce, but just because I feel so much more confident and able, like you mention, too.
Great post and one I’m sure many of us can relate to. As someone who is currently going through a divorce, I am in the period where running into people is really hard and, at times, awkward. Though, it has always been hard because I used to feel so fake having to say my husband and I were doing great. I look forward to the day when I can say I am doing great and actually mean it!
Ugh…the fake phase was really hard, too.
You’ll get there (to the point where you’ll be able to say you’re doing great)!
What a great message! Going home, for me, too would never feel better either. Not even so much because I am past my divorce, but just because I feel so much more confident and able, like you mention, too. Knowing who you are. Also (for me) born out of divorce. Great post!
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This is so totally me. I was that girl that moved back home too. Its such a great feeling when you just let it all go and realize that others at home are NOT judging you as much as you think.
Hi Sarah. I wondered whether this would resonate with anyone else. I’m glad to hear that you’ve had a similar experience! Thanks for letting me know.