As agonizing as the divorce process can be, most of us come out the other side with relatively little permanent damage. In fact, after we’ve had time to gain some perspective, many of us feel that we’re actually stronger than we were before.
I’m (mostly) in that camp. In fact, I’ve been trying to decide whether it’s time to stop writing about divorce—whether this blog has run its course. My everyday life has little to do with the topic. I’m busy chasing kids, working full time, and trying to eek out a few hours of sleep in between. In essence, I’ve recovered. And yet, I realized this week that there is one sneaky lasting effect of my divorce: indecisiveness.
I don’t trust myself to make decisions. This mostly applies to big, life-changing choices, but sometimes it’s just the stupid little things. It feels more comfortable to let someone else decide, and honestly, I’m missing my most recent therapist right about now (it’s been nearly four years since I last saw her). Do I need to go again? Maybe—I don’t know. I can’t freaking decide!
Why do I attribute my indecision to my divorce? Because in hindsight, it’s so clear that I made the wrong decision when I decided to marry my ex. It was a HUGE decision, and I made the wrong choice. The self-defeating part of my brain extrapolates that experience to other areas of my life, and then WHAMMO, I am paralyzed by the inability to choose a course of action. I tell myself that I suck at making decisions.
One thing is clear: I need to make a decision about next steps for this blog and my unpublished memoir. I simply don’t have enough energy to do everything I want to do right now. In my heart, I want to move forward, but my brain has me making my way through the labyrinth still.
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I love your blog and think its a huge resource for others in the DB30 crowd…so if you do decide to stop writing here, I hope you at least keep it live and take submissions for posts on occasion (and re-run old posts too!!). As for indecisiveness, wow, what an interesting realization, huh? I never thought of it that way.
jobo´s last [type] ..“Shift your focus”
Thanks, jobo! Whatever happens, I think I will definitely leave it up and keep accepting guest posts. I LOVE getting submissions. Thanks for all you’ve done to support this blog!
Tell me I’m pathetic but sometimes I still wish I didn’t sign the divorce papers and hope that everything will go back to normal
I’m glad to hear you are thriving today, years after your divorce. It gives those of us currently in the storm hope. I would love to have children one day! Your blog was the first one I started reading a few months ago, right before the s*** hit the fan, so to speak. It’s been such an encouragement. As I read your old posts, it sounds like our situations were similar. So, thank you and good luck with whatever you decide. Maybe it’s time for you to cross over as a “Mommy Blogger”
Thank you, Katie! It makes me feel so good to know that this blog has encouraged others. I do blog a lot about being a mom over on my other blog. It’s hard not to!
I love your blog, it was one of the first I came across when my marriage ended and it had a big impact on me. That being said, I am not writing to say keep blogging because if you feel it’s time to move on then that is what you should do. All I will say is not everything has to be a final decision – you can leave your blog dormant, memoirs saved and prioritize other things in your life and perhaps dip back in when you feel like it (or not as the case may be)!
Don’t beat yourself up about decisions, there are few things in life you can decide to do (and if it was the wrong decision) lead to years of pain such as marriage. If you are missing your therapist – go see them. You may only have to go once, perhaps you only need a little reassurance and it will allow you to strengthen your gut, but hey, if you go regularly who cares! Life is too short for anguish
Hope you find some peace! If all else fails, flip a coin, whichever side it lands on – if it makes you wish it had landed on the other – there’s your decision
xxx
Lx´s last [type] ..A little intro…
Such good advice! Thank you so much for your comment. I love hearing from each and every reader who leaves a comment.
You are right–life is way too short for anguish. I must keep reminding myself of that as I work through this rough patch.
Interesting niche blog. Obviously one with many subscribers.
Tim Blankenship´s last [type] ..50 Blog Topics For Family Law Attorneys
I struggled with the same affliction for many years after my divorce, too many. I was paralyzed when trying to make a decision so I would always ask others what I should do. Finally and recently I realized that by doing what others advised without consulting myself that I was not living my own life. If you take some time to listen to your own inner wisdom and then start making some small decisions on your own, you will find that your own voice will start to guide you more and more. Observe how some of these smaller decisions turn out and gauge how you feel about the outcome. As each decision turns out well you will start to trust yourself more and more and start living your own life, making your own decisions. Yes, therapists and coaches are there to help you but ultimately, it’s your life and you know what’s best for you. You really do!
Sorry I didn’t respond to this sooner, but your comment was with me all week. I really focused on trying to be more decisive about little things, and it worked! I had a hell of a time picking out plants for Mother’s Day gifts because I wanted them to be perfect, but I JUST DID IT, and everything turned out fine.
Thanks for your support!